And so it begins...

I need this. That's why I'm doing this. Starting a blog. There are other factors, wanting to contribute to others lives, for example. Or to save my husband from yet again having to listen to me while I stand on my soap box. But when it comes right down to it, that is why I'm doing this. I need it. For so many reasons.



I need it to be able to express myself. I have so much going on inside me now. I'm learning so much, growing so much. I need to get all of that out, clearly defined. I can then return to it again and again, and have it solidified in my character so I can build on it further. There is such a huge depth of emotion in me that I simply can't keep it contained. It has to get out. It is bursting out of me, and has to find its outward motion. What the result of this outward motion of emotion will be, I have no idea. I just know that it has to happen, or it will be to my own detriment.

I need to be honest. I need to come out from behind the walls that I have built for my protection, and with no apologies present who I am for my friends, family, peers and the world to see. For so long I have held things so tightly to me, afraid that if someone else saw it, they may ridicule or try to take it away from me. But now that I have gained more strength, now that I feel secure in who I am, it is time to take the stand. I believe what I believe with every fiber of my being, powerfully and passionately. And I finally want to tell others what I believe, wether they agree or not, because it needs to be known. I need it to be known. I need to give myself the permission to be completely open to whoever is willing to receive me.

I need to add the value that I can to other's lives. I run in some very different circles, and each one that I feel a part of often that has difficulty meshing with some of the others I belong to. So perhaps various things that I will share will feel controversial depending on the perspective of the reader, and the circle they may come from. But all of them are important to the person I have become and am becoming. I find that I have been able to take pieces of each that I need, and recognize what things do not help me. That has taken time, and learning to use discernment, but it has taught me so much about finding light and truth in every avenue that life can send in my direction. I am on a continual journey of learning things from each, and hope to add more circles to them in the future. Each has added so much value to my life, and in that value to every person's life that I in turn touch.  I love people. So very much. And I need to know that I make a difference others lives. That what I value and how that causes me act makes a difference.

I need the freedom that doing all this brings me. I need the freedom to just be me. I'm so tired of subscribing to social norms that I really don't believe in. I want to break free of those chains, the ones that have held me back because I have been afraid of what others might think. Afraid of loosing people, the ironic thing being, in holding back so much of myself, I have lost so many friends anyway. Afraid of not knowing what may happen in the future if I do decide to change. So many chains of fear have held me hostage. Ones of my own making. But now is my time to declare "No More!" To claim my power of choice, the greatest gift I have, and wield it as the mighty tool that it is.  To break through every barrier until I have the joy of total freedom. I need to begin that experience.  I need to retain the freedom that I have already found.  If I don't give all the value that I have gained, I will loose it.

And so it begins, a new journey. I present myself to you, completely as I am. All my strengths, and all my faults. With no apology, and not asking for approval. I do not pretend to be perfect, rather I present what I believe and have found to be of benefit for myself, and hope you understand that these are things that I aspire to and am learning to put into practice.  I do not know how you may react to all that I may share with you, perhaps you disagree or even may find what I believe to be contemptuous.  But my hope is that it will add things of benefit to your own journey in life.