Today I have had brought into question some of the things that I have held very fast to, one of them being respecting people, how it applies to me and my child and future children and what it really means to show respect. I believe very deeply that I should have a love centered approach to everyone around me, and if that is the case that it is as important for me to love my child and respect her rights, including her right of choice, as anyone else's, including my own. I believe treating her with the respect that I would expect and desire from another is the best way to teach her to choose to live that way herself. The thing that came up is where is line between my own rights and my child's rights, and when do I stop her from walking on mine. It led me down various avenues of thought, and I don't have a clear cut answer. But that is the way with human beings. There are so many different ways of parenting, and I realized today that a part of me had been condemning certain approaches and practices. I had a view that anyone can parent the way they want to, and it's ok for them, but mine is really the best way. What a prideful mentallity. But a simple, but profound question seems to be helping me change that view: Why? Why is my approach any better? Why is my chosen plan of action better then someone else's? I realized that I have labled certain acts in ways that may not always be appropriate, and projecting where I am at in my perspective and progression as a person on others around me.
I have been very passionate about my parenting philosophies. They started forming about a year before my daughter was born. Longer, since I have been drawing on my whole life's experience, though it actually being focused toward parenting itself started at that time. I have been able to draw on scripture, self improvement ideas, as well as parenting literature in forming my ideas. Parenting is something that the way I view it know I am in the minority, and most people do not agree with me, and if they do it is to a certain limit. I am very much drawn towards a style of parenting called attachment parenting, which encourages raising and teaching children in a way that cooperates with their natural growth and development rather then forcing on them what is viewed to be "best" or "easiest" and fostering a good relationship between the parent and child. One concept within that style is called gentle discipline. What is believed, in this case, is that expressions of anger, sadness or "acting out" is an expression of a need that the child is not having met, and to approach it with love, understanding and creativity to be able to resolve the issue so that everyone involved has their needs met, rather then simply punishing to stop "the problem" now. I do not claim that this is an easy way to do things, nor do I think it is for everyone, but I do believe that if these situations are approached with love as a foundation and having the end goal of emotionally, mentally, socially spiritually and physically healthy happy children in mind, anything can be accomplished . I realize that I am still young, with a lot to learn, especially in this area and so early in this stage of my life. But this is simply the ideal that I aspire to. I do not claim to be fully living it, nor do I think that a wise thing to force on myself right now, I am simply in the process of learning to put it into application.
It lead me to thinking about why it is that I do what I do. Why have I chosen to parent the way that I do. The astonishing thing that I discovered was that I had started to cling on so hard to the way that I wanted to do things that I had forgotten why I had chosen to do it this way. There are thousands of ways to parent that are in alignment with the approach that I want to take. I had been focused on only a few. The important thing is my intention when carrying out the action. Just because an act has taken on one meaning for me, does not mean that it has necessarily taken on the same meaning for someone else. Really, what it all comes down to is this: how am I feeling when I discipline? Is it out of love, or frustration, anger and a need to dominate? Is it in the best interest of everyone involved? How can we meet both our needs, so one isn't having to sacrifice their own to meet the other's needs? It has truly been humbling to realize that I strayed so far from this, convinced that I was holding fast onto it. The other thing that I have been able to realize is that although each parent may do things differently, everyone loves their children and no one is perfect. I had felt so segragated for so long because I felt like I was so different, but I'm not. Everyone just loves them and want the best for them, but each of person simply shows it differently and as much as they are able to.
So the question now is: What does this look like in parenting? How do I do this in raising my daughter? How do I help her to be as emotional whole as possible, and with the tools she needs to overcome any obstacle in the future? How do I raise her to listen to her intuition, or the Light of Christ within herself? How do I help her understand the importance of choice and to strive for complete freedom? How do I teach her to find joy in everything, even her struggles? For "men are that they might have joy". How do I teach her that Christ is the rock, the solid and unfailing foundation, on which to build her life, and that as she does this all the rest will follow? How do I help her to love and trust and feel secure? To love herself? To love those around her? I don't have the answers or all the solutions yet, but since I know that these are the goals I have for my family, I know the answers will come when I need them. And I'm sure they will come in circumstances and ways that I never expected.
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